Choosing Peace » Therapist in Westchester

Do you think it is possible to feel less anxious or depressed by making a choice to do so?

While, of course, things are a quite more complicated than merely choosing to feel differently, this empowering idea is at the core of various therapy approaches like Schema Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Positive Psychology, and it is also at the core of Buddhist belief. As a therapist in Westchester, New York and Connecticut, I utilize some of these approaches to help clients manage their depression and anxiety.

I was inspired to write about this topic after reading a thought provoking excerpt of a book written by Haemin Sunim “When Things Dont Go Your Way: Zen Wisdom for Difficult Times”* The excerpt reminded me of a main theme that comes up during my work as a therapist in Westchester, New York and Connecticut- the power of interpretation. Sunim refers to Buddhism’s suggestion that we can choose how to alter our perceptions and hence choose peace in our lives. He writes “A raw experience is neither inherently good nor bad. It just is. Yet our minds are quick to judge and then interpret something as either pleasant or unpleasant. Not surprisingly, the same raw experience can be interpreted quite differently from person to person, as each individual has been uniquely conditioned depending upon their past experiences.” It is almost always the case in individual, couples and family therapy that an exploration of different interpretations can eliminate anger and resentment and bring about understanding.

“It is almost always the case in individual, couples and family therapy that an exploration of different interpretations can eliminate anger and resentment and bring about understanding.”

Cogntive schemas

As a therapist in Westchester, I help clients identify their personal and unique perceptions of themselves and the world around them. These can be referred to as cogntive schemas; i.e. ways of interpreting ourselves and the world around us that start forming early in life. If you are interested in learning more about this, you can read about the creator of Schema Therapy, Jeffrey Young, and the 16 core “Maladaptive Schemas” that he identified. These schemas act as lenses through which we filter information. Often, they facilitate interpretations that create hurt, anger, defensiveness, or fear – each an emotion that can interfere in our life and relationships. While there are many times that these feelings are warranted and valid, I have seen over and over again how these feelings can also come from misinterpretations that are based on the cognitive schemas by which we filter the world, and in turn these interpretations trigger a spiral of both inner distress and conflict with others.

It would be wonderful if we could simply take off our unhelpful cognitive schemas the way we take off a pair of sunglasses. It is not that easy, but eventually we CAN learn to do so – not permanently, but enough to facilitate a more neutral observation of life’s events when we need to. As a therapist in Westchester, I use a variety of approaches to facilitate this personal learning and understanding. One of my favorites is doing cognitive triangles- a tool used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to reveal the layers of unconscious unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, much like cutting into a multi layered cake! When clients learn about themselves, they gain the power to observe the possibilities of interpretation, often arriving at a wise one that brings peace instead of discord.

The cognitive triangle

If your life is overwhelmed with anxious thoughts, disagreements with those you love, feelings of sadness or unworthiness, or if you feel things never go your way, or the world is against you, understand that you CAN do something about it! Choose to increase the peace in your life. Contact me as a therapist in Westchester, New York and Connecticut for a free consultation.

*Published by Penguin Life, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC.

Marisol Rivera Thurman, LCSW of SPARK Family Services is a therapist in Westchester and provides therapy to individuals, couples and families in New York and Connecticut. Areas of expertise include ADHD Treatment, Anger Management, and Anxiety Treatment.

Marisol Rivera Thurman, LCSW